Confidence is Key: 3 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

By Jody Bell

Imagine a hermit crab all curled up in their shell nervously shaking themselves back and forth on the beach. 

Well, that was just about me when I started high school. I was nervous in pretty much every single capacity and that affected me in every single way. 

I would wake up 30 minutes before the bus arrived ‒ clinging onto sleep with every cell in my body because I dreaded going to school. I would throw on a massive hoodie and some leggings because I didn’t have the confidence to express myself through the clothes I actually wanted to wear. I would stick in my headphones and sit in the back of the bus, speaking to a few close friends but never actively expanding my circle. 

But, the classes made it all worth it and I loved learning in high school. The diversity in the topics and the connections I was able to make with my teachers are some of the best memories I have from those four years. That being said, those memories are tinted with regret because I was the student who sat in the back of the class and rarely even participated in the discussions that I was actually passionate about. I feel regret thinking about the comments and insights I had that I never expressed because I was too afraid of raising my hand. 

Truth is, confidence changes your whole perspective. I went through a pretty transformative process through Girls With Impact during my sophomore year, and after jumping off the confidence-deep-end and launching my own venture, I noticed so many changes in myself. 

I would plan my outfit the day before class because I was actually excited to show off my style. I would be the one starting conversations with new people because we had something in common or I wanted to just talk to them. I even had the confidence to lead the discussions I once hid from in the back of the classroom. I became the person that I was actively hiding away for all those years, and that opened up so many doors for me ‒ especially being in high school. 

I am incredibly fortunate that I was able to find my confidence at a young age; many young people ‒ young women specifically ‒ don’t find that for years. However, being truly happy with yourself makes the world just a bit brighter ‒ so, here are a few tips that you can use to start building up your confidence each and every day. 

1. Figure out where your confidence has gaps and set small goals

For me, this meant trying to raise my hand at least once a day for every class.

Confidence looks different for everyone, and in many cases your lack of confidence may manifest itself in different ways. For example, I was usually comfortable presenting on a topic because I could prepare for it and have some semblance of structure. However, when my class was having a discussion that was more dynamic and built off of one another, I would doubt my abilities to be impactful with my comments. As a result, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made it a goal to avoid over-preparation and contribute to class discussions off the top of my head. 

When evaluating yourself, think of the activities in your day-to-day life that make you nervous or self-conscious. Then go ahead and set small daily goals that address these microscopic laps in confidence and try your best to make a habit out of completing them!

2. Surround yourself with support

You know the saying “you are what you eat”? Well, I’d like to think that “you are what surrounds you” applies too. 

Unfortunately, many young people have already experienced some form of bullying before they’ve even gotten to high school. For some, this might not seem like the classic TV-style bullying where someone is pushing you down in the hallway, however, even small comments that bring you down or toxic competition between friends is considered bullying. Your connections in your life should be people who actively compliment and support you and your accomplishments ‒ you should be able to think about your friendship and be truly happy that this person is in your life. 

Having a community of people who uplift you is what makes you feel supported in your quest for confidence. If you don’t feel supported, stepping out of your comfort zone can feel so terrifying it’s impossible. 

3. Articulate your wins and what makes you proud of yourself

Part of having a supportive network is feeling comfortable expressing success or aspects of yourself that you’re proud of. 

Oftentimes we focus far too much on our few and sparse failures as opposed to our various wins throughout the day. As a result, we tend to remember these failures as more common and doubt ourselves. To counteract this, try to actively reflect on moments of fulfillment where you are proud of yourself. Of course, taking this a step further to actively talk about these successes with friends/family is best!

Confidence doesn’t just happen overnight, and once you feel more confident your work doesn’t stop there. In fact, confidence and continuously building your self-esteem is a long term and constant effort that should be part of a larger effort towards self-improvement. Mastering discipline and incorporating habits to build your confidence while young is absolutely key to this long-term journey. 

If you are struggling with confidence, or have any questions or comments please reach out to me at belljr@g.cofc.edu! The path towards self-development often feels lonely and scary, but I promise you there are always people rooting for you ‒ even if you don’t always hear them!

Jody Bell, 20 is Girls With Impact’s Chief Editor and a program graduate from Greenwich High School. Girls With Impact is the nation’s only online, business and leadership program for girls 12-21, turning them into tomorrow’s leaders, entrepreneurs, and innovators.