Fathering During COVID-19: Challenges and Lessons Learned
By Jody Bell
Parenting is hard. No one argues otherwise.
As Chris Curtain, father and Chief Branding Officer at VISA stated: “The playbook as a parent whether you’re a father or a mother is always a little bit unscripted.You’re writing this book as you’re living this book.”
But, what about fathering during a pandemic? Now this playbook is more than unscripted, with jumbled lines and impossible decisions balancing the physical, mental, and educational wellbeing of your child. It’s a topic that has been actively discussed within articles that target both stay-at-home and working moms, yet many fathers are being left out of the conversation.
Jennifer Openshaw, CEO of Girls With Impact, recently had the opportunity to hear from working fathers of daughters who recently graduated from our online STEM, business, and leadership program. David Jimenez, President of Actelion, a Johnson & Johnson Co., Craig Archibald, Senior Project Manager at a mechanical engineering company, and Chris Curtain, Chief Branding Officer at VISA shared their thoughts about their shifting roles as fathers amidst COVID-19.
Read on for some insights from this informational chat:
1. Parents Don’t Have All the Answers
Every child grows up thinking their parents are absolute superheroes. They seem to know everything, do everything, and whatever question arises, they’ll have an answer. Except not in the era of COVID-19.
We are living in an unprecedented time shrouded by question marks that even parents don’t have answers to. The best way to deal with this uncertainty is to be honest. As Curtain pointed out, we must all bond through this struggle and understand how our different perspectives result in different coping methods. He noted, “it’s interesting to see that every single person regardless of age or maturity in our family is figuring out how to deal with COVID-19.”
You taught them that honesty was the best policy, now it’s your time to live that in its fullest.
2. The New Juggle of Balancing Work and Family Time
Working from home is a breeze — family time all the time! Wrong.
In reality, soaring unemployment rates are forcing even remote employees to work harder than ever, and they are doing so on a digital platform that has a drastically steep learning curve. The result is a stressed-out parent whose work life continuously seeps into their family time — add in the fact that the kids are home from school, and you have got a mess.
David Jimenez spoke to this struggle and advises on “quality time over quantity time.”
You may not be able to devote a few hours of time to your family every day—and that’s okay! Parents are working in this fashion to support their families, and for many this exhausting schedule is now necessary for job security. Jimenez recognized this and decided to change how he allocates his time. Now, for at least 30 minutes a day he puts away his phone and laptop to give full attention to his daughter to have a meaningful conversation. These discussions can range from world events to mundane conversations — truthfully, the topic doesn’t matter as long as you listen, ask, and give full attention.
3. Concerns about the Virus
For Archibald, his work in mechanical engineering couldn’t stop when COVID-19 knocked on our door. That means he was exposed to the virus and was unable to see his daughter for fear of exposing her.
How did they stay connected during this period? Technology. Archibald spent time video chatting and texting his daughter more than ever — resulting in an even stronger bond after COVID-19. Archibald points out that this had a lot to do with how comfortable his daughter was on these platforms. He purposefully pushed himself out of his technological comfort zone as to adhere to her method of communication, which then resulted in more conversations than ever before.
Now, with a negative COVID-19 test under his belt, Archibald and his daughter are closer than ever both digitally and in person.
4. Digital Learning — A Necessary Evil or Blessing in Disguise?
Chris Curtain, like many parents, is not a fan of the excessive time that children spend on technology. This was a concern prior to COVID-19, when technology was mostly just used for recreation and entertainment.
However, it has become an even more pressing issue now that children are reliant on technology for education, peer to peer socialization, along with entertainment. Truthfully, there are few alternatives to this digital method, so many parents must teach their children ergonomic habits as to protect their vision and spines from the strain that long-term technology users face. This includes assuring that the computer is at or below eye level, providing wrist support for typing, and helping their posture.
While excessive time on any technological device is unquestionably bad, healthy digital learning does have many benefits. As Archibald observed, his daughter’s experience in digital learning was similar to his online MBA courses. Instead of the information being fully presented and then regurgitated, many students will inevitably need to supplement their online material with independent research. It encourages them to take initiative over their education, resulting in a more customized experience and improved researching skills.
We are at a moment where not a single human being has the answers to the questions that are affecting every aspect of our lives. Trying to guide a child and teach them through this period whilst still struggling yourself is difficult—but that’s what it takes to be a parent during a pandemic. All that we know for certain is that this moment is going to bring change and shape who we are as a society.
As Curtain puts it “everyone feels like they have a role to get us out of this tunnel. People will look back for decades and say we not just survived COVID, but we progressed.”
During this ever-changing landscape, parents are learning to be flexible as they discover new ways to work while prioritizing family time. As difficult as this is, we are all pivoting as we progress and adapt to a new normal. we can’t allow this moment to break us.
Jody Bell, 19, is Girls With Impact’s Chief Editor and a program graduate. Girls With Impact is the nation’s only entrepreneurship program for teen girls, turning them into tomorrow’s business leaders and innovators.